The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
