She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want nice things and good sex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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