Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
