If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
