All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
