a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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