i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
