i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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