Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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