drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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