there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
