He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
