we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
