So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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