Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
kristin has been a bad kristin
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
