I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
