Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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