you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
