You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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