the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
