Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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