Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
