College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
