We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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