Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
