Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
