That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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