I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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