Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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