and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
