I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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