Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
