he thought i was a dude.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
