Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
