I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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