He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
