so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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