So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
