The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
