You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
