his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
