my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
