Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
