no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
