Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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