It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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