i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
