OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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