We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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