Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
