we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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