Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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