It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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