My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
